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 Murder and Vice on the Lower East Side
 

Murder and Vice on the Lower East Side

 
Murder and Vice on the Lower East Side

 
The Past, Present and Future of the 'Chinatown Buses'

  
By Cyrus Farivar

 Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism

 Class of 2005

 March 21, 2005

 Advisor: Joe Nocera

 
2.0

 
A few times every weekend, a large dark blue airport  shuttle-sized van pulls up in front of the Charter Oak Supermarket in Hartford, Conn. This "station"
is situated a few minutes from the main station in downtown Hartford that houses both Amtrak trains and Greyhound bus lines. Not much other traffic tends
to come by this small corner supermarket, where the owner and his family live upstairs. Directly across the street to the north is a large muddy lot.

 Charter Oak Supermarket is a stop for one of the so-called 'Chinatown buses' – a group of companies that have their roots in New York's Chinatown. The
industry began seven years ago, with a single company and a semi-underground shuttle van service for Chinese students and restaurant workers to Boston.
Today there are seven major companies that now service destinations including Hartford, Philadelphia, Albany, Washington, D.C., Rockville, Md., Richmond,
Va., and even Atlanta, Detroit, and Cincinnati. Most of them have large, comfortable coaches for the long-haul journeys.

 The blue van is operated by one of the smaller companies, Boston Deluxe. This line has a fleet of three buses and one van. Jack Ho founded the company
in 2003. He's been in the Chinatown bus business for the last five years, and has been running his own company for the last three.

 Ho, 28, runs his single van and three buses on the weekend along his New York - Boston route. Boston Deluxe is the upstart on this route. His two competitors
are much larger companies, Lucky Star and Fung Wah. These established Chinatown bus companies operate 15 and 18 trips respectively, leaving at least once
an hour from 7 am to 11 pm in each direction. "They're slick," Ho comments, while driving from Hartford to Boston one February morning. "I gotta be slicker."

 He says that Fung Wah is his "greatest competition." That's why he only operates on the weekends, when there is more demand. He'd lose money trying to
operate during the week when up against Fung Wah's 18 daily buses.

 "To take out Fung Wah, that's no problem," Ho says flippantly. "But that's going to take time."

 Although he has a few other drivers, Ho himself makes three round-trips on the 200-mile journey between Boston and New York each weekend, including a stop
in Hartford. He serves as investor, owner, driver, baggage handler, customer service agent, and press officer all at once. Ho's eyes scan constantly for
an opening in an adjacent lane, adapting and moving as needed. Occasionally, his Nextel phone rings, and a voice from another world squawks at him. He
switches from English to Chinese effortlessly. Sometimes it's the other drivers, or his longtime girlfriend, Sybil Cheung – who acts as a dispatcher –
or sometimes it's customers, trying to get information.

 Sitting behind Jack Ho seats are a group of college students – none of them Chinese – in three rows of cramped vinyl seats. They are chatting away on their
cell phones or absorbed in the aural world of their iPods. The van is not built for comfort, but rather for efficiency and speed. Some try to sleep, others
try to read, and still others try to write on laptops, forced to cramp their elbows as to not obstruct their seatmates. All they care about is getting
to their destination quickly. Most of them know that taking Boston Deluxe's van service means speed, when compared to other local regional bus service,
such as Greyhound. With a van, Ho can reach Boston from Hartford in roughly 90 minutes. The same trip on a bus would take at least an extra half hour.

 "You see that bus over there?" he says while driving, an air of annoyance in his voice.

 Ho points to a bus in the distance on a stretch of Interstate 90 in southeastern Massachusetts. The bus is a few hundred yards down the road, barely visible.
It was one of the rival Chinatown buses, most likely Lucky Star.

 "How fast do you think he's going?" he says rhetorically.

 A quick glance at Ho's speedometer shows he is holding steady at 80 mph. The bus farther is probably at 85 mph. He shakes his head at this example of what
he considers to be irresponsible driving.

 "I'm doing 80 and I can't catch up with him," he says. "If it was raining, he's be sliding already. If it was snowing, he'd be dead."

 As he made his way along the interstate, Jack Ho told his story. He was born in Taiwan but was raised in New York's East Village. As such, Jack Ho speaks
English with only a hint of an accent. He started in the business five years ago working as a driver for his father's company, Dragon Coach. Within two
and a half years he'd worked his way up to manager. He was 25.

 But eventually, Jack Ho reached a point where he split off from his father to start his own company in 2003. At this point in the story, the usually gregarious
entrepreneur, who prides himself on customer service, became curt and vague.

 "I wanted to do it myself," he says, while driving steadily toward Boston. "My English is better than his. I don't like relying on anybody." Jack Ho remained
confident that he could build from the lessons he learned working long hours at his father's Chinatown office.

 "His [buses] always broke down – not mine," he says. That's all he'll say.

 Jack Ho added that he and his father, Edward Ho, don't see much of each anymore. However, a few weeks ago, they attended a bus convention in Las Vegas
together.

 *          *          *

 The origin of the Chinatown bus industry isn't actually in Chinatown, but rather in Brooklyn, along Sunset Park's 8th Avenue in the southwestern part of
the borough. A few minutes walk past a gritty and grimy industrial zone from the 9th Avenue subway stop on the M and D lines leads to a small office along
the heart of Brooklyn's own version of Chinatown.

 Surrounded by cheap Chinese fast food joints, a few cafés and a handful of bodegas, Fung Wah Transport Vans Inc. has a narrow office at 4207 8th Avenue. 
Pei Lin Liang is an unassuming middle-aged man who looks older than he should be at 42. Silver streaks are scattered throughout his head of full, dark
hair. His teeth are somewhat crooked, adding a tinge to his otherwise jolly smile. Fung Wah's president sits behind a small desk, scattered with papers,
but punctuated with a pack of cigarettes and a few butane lighters. His workaholic weary-eyed face shows his many hours logged on the road.

 One wall is covered in business cards with various annotations in Chinese and English of doctors, insurance agents, towing facilities and garages. The
other wall is dominated by maps: one of the subway, one of the New York City area and one of the entire United States, written entirely in Chinese. Below
it on a table is a computer that seems to be rarely used. Across the room, on a long desk, is a stack of parking violations from the City of New York.
There is a palpable sense of organized chaos in his office.

 Liang immigrated from Shuhai in southern China, near Macau, to New York in 1988. His parents had emigrated only two years before. His first job was as
a bus boy and then as a waiter at a Chinatown restaurant. Within a year, he got a job delivering noodles in a truck to all five boroughs. Two years later
he was working on the weekends for Four Seas, a local Chinese shuttle service that took passengers from Sunset Park to Chinatown for $1.50 one-way, making
as many as nine round trips per day, and delivering noodles during the week. Liang is driven to succeed, and he succeeds at driving.

 In 1996, Liang founded Fung Wah Transport Vans, Inc. to compete with his former employer to take garment and restaurant workers to Chinatown. He was sure
that he could do it better. Many Chinese workers, he says, were afraid of taking the subway during the pre-Giuliani days, when the transit system had a
reputation for filth, crime and violence. "Maybe Four Seas is 10 hours a day," he says. "If I owned the company, it would be 14 hours and I'd make more
money."

 So he continued with the shuttle service for two years, until one day a group of Chinese parents approached him. They all had children who were college
students in Boston. Shortly before the school year started, Liang had a request from a group of local students. "Parents asked me 'Do you have a charter
to go to Boston?' " he says.

 Within two years of occasional trips to and from Boston, Liang started taking the parents of these Chinese students up the Atlantic coast as well. "Sometimes
they go to visit their sons and their daughters," he says. "The parents go there and they cannot speak English. So I thought there was a market – the convenience
for the Chinese."

 By August 1998, Liang himself was carrying up to 14 passengers on one round-trip per day for $25 one-way, and $45 round-trip. Business boomed. He soon
had to upgrade to minibuses. By 1999, he had four minibuses with a capacity of 24 people each and six vans – running seven trips per day.

 Around the same time that Liang was expanding his line, several other Chinese-owned businesses were operating bus lines across the East Coast. A few were
shuttle services for Chinese workers, like New Century Travel, which was founded in November 1999 in Philadelphia with service to New York City. They began
with 15 passenger vans making the two-hour trip several times per day.

 But most other Chinese owned bus companies were not shuttle services, but rather tour and charter companies. Jimmy Cheng founded Lotus Tours in 1994, catering
to Chinese visitors wanting to visit American tourist sites across the East Coast. Edward Ho, Jack Ho's father, founded another tour company, Tomorrow
Travel and Tours, in 1995. He too operated charter buses and tour packages for Chinese tourists across the Atlantic coast, including some to Canada, becoming
one of the larger operators.

 *          *          *

By 2001, the companies tended to operate on their own, mostly without competition along the same routes. Fung Wah had the New York – Boston line. New Century
Travel had the Philadelphia – New York line. And Lotus Tours and Tomorrow Travel and Tours had plenty of Chinese tourists to share between them. But then
came Sept. 11, 2001. The economic effects of the attacks were devastating for Chinatown. Its main thoroughfare, Canal Street, was blocked off for months
given its proximity to City Hall, which was under extremely tight security.

 The tourists stopped coming. The Chinese tour companies were headed towards extinction. But people like Edward Ho could not be discouraged. They would
adapt their business to the new economic scene. Even after Sept. 11, what businesses were still doing well? Fung Wah was. It continued to expand. By 2002,
Fung Wah had outgrown the vans and minibuses – the company was running 14 trips per day to Boston on large coaches. It was not dependent on tourists, and
when the tourists stopped coming, the tour companies turned to the Fung Wah model.

 Edward Ho turned his idle tour company buses as Tomorrow Travel and Tours into a regular bus line powerhouse: Dragon Coach. Ho became one of the first
Chinatown bus operators with service to Washington, D.C. – his main competition was Greyhound, who charged over $60 for a round-trip ticket, nearly double
of what Ho charged. By early 2002, it became clear that the D.C. line wasn't enough; he needed to expand his reach. But Dragon Coach only had two buses.
Ho wanted to add a Philadelphia line, an Albany line, and a Richmond, Va., line.

 In deciding to enter the Philadelphia market, Ho was making a decision to go head-to-head with another Chinatown bus line, New Century. This new direct
competition was something that was happening more frequently. As it did, tempers flared. Price wars broke out and so did violence. At the time, many of
the companies had reached such a boiling point that they would often fight over parking spaces, particularly in the tight space at the intersection of
Forsyth Street and East Broadway, just under the Manhattan Bridge. At this one spot, there is precisely enough room for only a few buses to park one after
the other. Setting a bus a few feet in front or behind would prevent rival companies from parking. Various companies, particularly New Century Travel and
Dragon Coach constantly fought over customers and parking spots. Companies resorted to having people stand or sit on benches in bus parking spots to prevent
other companies from using them. The rules were simple: first come, first serve.

 That is, except for the time that driver Di Jian Chen, then working for Edward Ho's Dragon Coach, backed up and rammed Lun Don Chen, owner of rival company
New Century in May 2002. According to media reports at the time citing the criminal complaint, Di Jian Chen backed up three times, catching Lun Don Chen
as he stood between his own bus and his rival's. Lun Don Chen sustained a fractured pelvis, internal bleeding, and several other injuries and went to the
hospital that night in critical condition, wrote the New York Daily News.

 But Edward Ho's troubles didn't stop with the Lun Don Chen incident. Ho's biggest hurdle came in early 2003, when he says that money was stolen from Dragon
Coach. His wife, Lillian, who handles financial records for Dragon Coach, says that $100,000 was taken in January 2003. But the money didn't just vanish
out of thin air. Edward Ho says he knows who stole his money: Di Jian Chen, and his own son, Jack Ho.

 In January 2003, both Edward Ho and Lillian traveled to China for vacation. Edward Ho returned in March. While he was gone, Ho left the company in the
hands of two of his top employees, his son Jack Ho, and Di Jian Chen. Edward Ho, who uses the popular Chinese-owned online ticketing agent IvyMedia to
sell on his behalf, found that he was missing $100,000. When he called to ask where the money had gone, IvyMedia told him that it was now being transferred
to Dragon Coach U.S.A., a new company founded by Jack Ho and Di Jian Chen. Edward Ho fired the pair on March 10, 2003.

 Edward Ho sued Dragon Coach U.S.A. for trademark infringement, and got Chen and his son, Jack Ho, to cease-and-desist. The company shut down, and was re-opened
the next day in April 2003 as Today's Travel. Edward Ho spent $5,000 on legal fees, and managed to get his trademark – Dragon Coach – preserved. However,
he still was not able to recoup what he says is stolen money.

 Around the same time, in March 2003, Di Jian Chen tried to set up a partnership with Jimmy Cheng, owner of Lotus Tours – who like Ho, had idle buses with
no tourists to sustain his company, Lotus Tours. Cheng refused, citing increasing tension in the Chinatown bus industry. He was willing to charter buses
to Chen – from a safe distance – but did not want to get directly involved in the business. Cheng wasn't the only one that was getting wary. Dragon Coach
moved its pickup and drop-off locations uptown, near Penn Station to avoid the escalating situation that was brewing on the Lower East Side.

 Two months later, on May 9, 2003, Di Jian Chen was murdered, shot five times in the chest.

 *          *          *

 One day, I went to visit Edward Ho in New York's Chinatown. Ho keeps a large office on the second floor of a building at the southern end of Chinatown,
near Confucius Plaza. Walking into the main entryway, an expansive space with several desks looks out over Park Row. The walls are covered in brochures
and posters of other regional destinations, such as skiing in Tennessee. The home of Dragon Coach is surely the largest such Chinatown bus office in New
York. Ho has a smaller office off to the side that sports a large black leather chair, with a proud picture of his now eight-year-old son as a baby, the
product of his second marriage.

 Ho is a thin man, who was wearing tight-fitting black jeans, a green buttoned-shirt underneath a bright yellow sweater. Occasionally he lifted his sweater
to reveal a holstered cell phone and a metallic lighter in a sheath clipped to his belt, which he produced a few times per hour to light a cigarette. He
deposited the ashes in an ashtray in the shape of a curled-up burgundy-colored dragon on his desk. Ho dismissed his rivals like a puff of smoke.

 While reporting the story, I'd heard a lot of conflicting things about Edward Ho. Sometimes he's portrayed as a victim of theft and betrayal, and other
times he's portrayed as a shrewd businessman. Edward Ho says that his former employees, Di Jian Chen and his son, Jack Ho, stole his $100,000. But other
versions of the story say that Edward Ho himself is responsible – allegations abound that he gambled $160,000 away, right around the same time when Edward
Ho claims his money was stolen.

 I asked Edward Ho if there was any truth to this; he flatly denied the charge. Ho did, however, admit to attending casinos and says he has lost as much
$8,000 at a time. He said that his maximum spending limit on gambling would be $10,000. That aside, Edward Ho says that even if he had spent the money,
it would be his right to do so as someone who has total ownership of Dragon Coach.

 "If I use this money, who can say?" he says, "Who says? I'm the boss. I'm the owner. But I told you – this is bullshit. I'm not stupid. I have a lot of
employees. If I lost $160,000 how could I pay them? Am I stupid enough to go to a casino and lose $160,000?"

 While Edward Ho's trademark suit concluded in 2003, he was never able to recoup his allegedly stolen money. His wife Lillian, he says, still wants to go
after his son to recover the money. But he can't bring himself to do it.

 "My wife wants to sue Jack, but I say forget about it," he says, maintaining a tense détente between himself and his son. Since the incident with his son,
Edward Ho refused to see or speak to his son during all of 2003. His wife has forbidden Jack Ho from entering the Dragon Coach offices.

 The only time that they see each other anymore is when they spend time with Jack Ho's young daughter, Edward Ho's granddaughter. "I don't want to talk
about my son," he says. "I don't like him. But we have a granddaughter. So I just look after her."

 Despite their disagreements, Jack and Edward Ho are willing to put the past behind them – that is, until the past re-emerges. During a routine corporate
records search, I'd stumbled across the fact that Jack Ho's company and Edward Ho's company were using the same address. As I learned more about their
strained relationship, I was puzzled by this fact. So I asked Edward Ho about it.

 At first Edward Ho seemed confused by the question. But when I pulled up the record from the New York State Division of Corporations, it was quite clear
– he didn't even know that Jack had done this. When asked if Jack had asked for permission, he emphasized that he would not have authorized using his address.
Despite this news, Edward Ho was not willing to take action.

 "If my wife knew, she would be not happy, very very not happy," he said, resigning back into his desk chair, a look of dismay washing over his face.

 After a two-hour interview with Edward Ho, I knew that I needed to call Jack Ho and find out his perspective on this story, given the new information that
had come to light. Walking down the narrow steps of the office building and onto the street, I dialed Jack Ho's cell phone and got his voice mail – which
is the same number that is listed on the Boston Deluxe tickets. His voice mail reflects his commitment to his business, telling customers that if they
have questions to leave him a message or to check the website, www.bostondeluxe.com. I left a message.

 I rounded the corner and stopped in at a café. No sooner had I been there for five minutes when my phone rang. It was Jack Ho. He was livid. He demanded
to know why he had just received an angry call from his father, and why I was asking so many questions, and suggested that perhaps I was working for the
police. He assured me that he would make sure that none of the other Chinatown bus companies would talk to me.

 "Thank you for riding with us," he said in a surly but exasperated voice. "Please don't call me again."

 And with that, he was gone. I tried calling back, but he would not pick up his phone.

 *          *          *

 Di Jian Chen's murder was never solved. Nevertheless, the Chinatown bus industry seems to have calmed down since then. It has now employs more "normal"
business tactics – ranging from hiring an English-speaking M.B.A. as an executive, to creating websites for online ticket sales.

 In the fall of 2003, for instance, Chinatown bus newcomer Shui Ming Zheng, and his company, Eastern Travel added an M.B.A. to their ranks as vice president.
David Wong speaks fluent English and got his business degree from Indiana State University. Before joining Eastern Travel, Wong had been running his own
tour packages and buses, often arranging tour deals for Chinese businessmen coming from overseas – much like Edward Ho's Tomorrow Travel and Tours.

 When Wong joined the company, Zheng wanted to expand his lines all the way to Washington, D.C., and to add more service to that area. Wong told him that
the only way that Eastern Travel could stay competitive in the Chinatown bus world was to move uptown. Given that more and more customers were not Chinese,
having a stop more centrally located within Manhattan provided an added convenience.

 Many of the Chinatown bus companies were now using online portal IvyMedia, a relatively new Chinese-owned business run out of Cambridge, Mass. The site's
owner, Jimmy Chen, says that he models the company on Expedia. This move attracted customers who did not want to trek down to Chinatown only to find sold-out
buses.

 The Chinatown bus industry eventually settled on healthy competition between the half dozen major operators. Fung Wah and their rival, Lucky Star, who
both dominate the New York – Boston route, have settled on a $15 fare. Each company now civilly competes with one another.

 The two companies moved their Boston pickup and drop-off location from the narrow Boston Chinatown streets to Boston's large South Station, where most
large commercial coaches operate. Their ticket kiosks stand only a few feet from each other at the far end of the South Station bus terminal. They each
offer the same route, the same fare and only slightly different schedules. While they might both call out "New York! Fifteen dollars!" at approaching customers
once in awhile, they aren't really competing with each other more than they are competing with traditional American bus behemoths, Greyhound and Peter
Pan Bus Lines, which dominate South Station.

 Last year, the two more established companies took Fung Wah and Lucky Star to court, alleging that they were operating without proper interstate bus licenses.
They sought an injunction against Fung Wah and Lucky Star, then known as Travel Pack. "The competitor has been in the market place for five to eight years,"
says Robert Schwarz, Executive Vice President of Communications for Peter Pan. "They've grown to being serious. Peter Pan wants everybody to play by the
same rules."

 But the two larger companies voluntarily dismissed the case in July 2004. They had sought a temporary injunction against the two Chinatown bus companies,
but the request was denied. Fung Wah and Lucky Star continued their operations without interruption – and they now have the proper interstate bus licenses.
Pei Lin Liang, Fung Wah's owner, accuses Greyhound of trying to drive him out of business. Jeremy Kahn, Peter Pan's attorney, said he could not rule out
future litigation.

 One thing is clear: most of the Chinatown bus companies report an increase in the last 18 months of more regular and stringent inspections from the U.S.
Department of Transportation. Prior to 2004, they had been completely ignored. Some say that this is directly due to Greyhound's influence.

 *          *          *

 During the course of my reporting, I also went to interview Jimmy Cheng, the owner of Lotus Tours. Cheng is the new model for the Chinatown bus industry.
He speaks English well, and his weekends are spent at home with his wife and children, in Rockville, Md. Meanwhile, Jack Ho spends his weekends driving
between New York and Boston. He wears a long coat over his suit, which contrasts sharply with the greasy work outfits of his Brooklyn mechanics, where
he spends most of his time supervising. But Cheng has no background in bus driving or auto mechanics – he's a businessman.

 Cheng has now expanded – running his own Chinatown bus company, called Today's Bus, which is also known as Apex Bus. (He changed the name to distinguish
it from Jack Ho's now defunct company, Today's Travel.) Cheng oversees the 20-bus fleet, which offers service to Philadelphia and Washington, D.C. from
New York City.

 While Cheng has been part of the Chinatown bus industry for only a couple of years, he has been an observer for far longer. He's known in Chinatown – Jack
Ho even asked him to join Ho's bus business. But Cheng has mixed feelings about Jack Ho. "I like him, but I don't like the way he does business," he says.
"His father, I don't like him personally, but I like the way he does business."

 Cheng says that even though Edward Ho now competes with him, that in a way, he feels bad for what happened.

 "When he started, he had the best timing," Cheng says. "There were only two companies at the time, Fung Wah and Travel Pack. Edward Ho knows how to do
maintenance and to operate the buses, and [Di Jian] Chen knows how to run the business. It was perfect timing when they do the business together. If the
casino hadn't happened, they'd be the biggest one – no Fung Wah and no Travel Pack."

 But Cheng is as calculating as they come. Last summer, he spent over $100,000 to purchase a personal website, www.staticleap.com, that provided a roundup
of the Chinatown buses. Why? Because it was the number one hit for the search phrase "Chinatown bus" on Google. Cheng bought the site from a Maryland man,
and edited the site so that his company appears at the top of the lists of the destinations of the various Chinatown bus companies. He even added some
small editorial comments like "22 buses/day, Excellent customer service." Nowhere on the site does it acknowledge that Apex Bus now owns the site.

 Maybe things haven't changed so much after all.
Posted by J.S. Orozco at 11:30 PM - No Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Discrimination on Multiple Levels
 

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Contact:
Jahinnslerth “Joe” Orozco
1265 Newton St. NE
Washington, D.C.
Phone: 512-787-8616
Email: jsorozco@gmail.com

Blind Man Forced to Sit In the Back or Put Seeing Eye Dog Under Bus

Washington, D.C. – January 4, 2007 – While attempting to travel to New York City, NY from Washington, D.C. Jahinnslerth Orozco was told repeatedly that he could not take his Seeing Eye dog onto the shuttle bus. The employees of Today’s Bus told him that there was no law that they were aware of that would require them to transport a dog, even after being shown proof of the dogs training. They laughingly told him that he would have to call the police, otherwise the best they could do is put him under the bus with the luggage. The city police were called and resolved the situation in D.C.

Although the D.C. office had been told that Mr. Orozco would be returning the next day using their service and being accompanied by his Seeing Eye dog, no one was notified in New York City. After missing the first bus because the employees refused to board him and his guide dog, his ticket was snatched from his traveling companion by an employee. The police were once again called but had not yet arrived by the time the second bus was going to pull away. Eventually, a male employee agreed to take the both Orozco and his Seeing Eye dog, under the stipulation that the two sit in the very back row of the bus, next to the restroom. In order to prevent delaying the trip even further, they boarded the bus.

Attempts have been made by Mr. Orozco to contact the local and main offices of Today’s Bus. The only response he received was from what is believed to be the owner, Mr. Ming Yu, who said that the company was within its rights to refuse service because despite being on both leash and harness, as well as completely controlled under the seat, there was still the potential for the fully trained Seeing Eye dog to cause harm to others. When questioned why the staff were not instructed on the laws governing accessibility of disabled customers, Mr. Ming Yu simply replied that his business was too small to be responsible for such training.
###
Posted by J.S. Orozco at 6:53 PM - No Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Christmas vs Bah Humbug...
 

Merry Christmas vs Bah Humbug...

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said
the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom
pessimist.

Just to see what would happen, on the twins' birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he
loaded with horse manure.

That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.

"Why are you crying?" the father asked.

"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries,
and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin.

Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.

To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"

 What Happened?
At first I thought this was funny...then I realized the awful truth of it.
Be sure to read all the way to the end!
Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he's fed.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries, then
Tax his tears.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers,
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.

Put these words
Upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove me
To my doom..."

When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel permit tax
Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon)
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Interest expense
Inventory tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Room Tax
Service charge taxes
Social Security Tax
Road usage taxes
Sales Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone federal excise tax
Telephone federal universal service fee tax
Telephone federal, state and local surcharge taxes
Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax
Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax
Telephone state and local tax
Telephone usage charge tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

COMMENTS: Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation
was the most prosperous in the world.  We had absolutely no national
debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to
raise the kids.
What happened?
And I still have to "press 1" for English
I hope this goes around world 10 times

 Glory Be Unto the Father

Walking by, a minister saw his 5-year-old son and playmates find a dead robin.

Feeling that proper burial should be performed, the children had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal
of the deceased.

The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory
be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn... and into the hole he gooooes."

 
How the Angel Got On The Tree...

One Christmas, Santa was having a really bad day. The local elves union was up in arms over their contract and were threatening a walk-out. Mrs. Claus was
angry that Santa was never around to appreciate all of the hard work she had been doing around the house. And top it all off, she had him and a diet that
never suited Santa to begin with. So through all of this, Santa decided he needed to go home, sit in front of a fire and relax.

When he got there, Miss Claus was still angry and wouldn't let down. As Santa tried to calm her down, there was a knock on the door. It was Rudolph. He,
also, was quite upset and said the reindeer were sick and tired of Santa's failing to upgrade to a newer lightweight sleigh and thatthey were joining the
elves walkout. Santa slammed the door and threatened, "The next person who knocks on that door is gonna get it!"

Two seconds later, there was a knock on the door. Santa flung the door open and there stood a tiny little angel. The angel had been searching for the perfect
Christmas tree for Santa's house all day long, until it found the perfect one. The little angel asked, "Santa, I was wondering where you would like me
to stick this tree?"

And that is the story of how the angel atop the tree tradition began.

    

  
Posted by J.S. Orozco at 5:39 PM - No Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 The Chicken Question
 

Borrowed from my former debate partner.

"the chicken question answered by many people"

George Bush's Answer:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with
us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

Al Gore's Answer
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government
in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

Bill Gates' Answer:
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and
Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

Martha Stewart's Answer:
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain
level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

Dr. Seuss' Answer:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told!

Ernest Hemingway's Answer:
To die. In the rain. Alone.

Martin Luther King Jr's Answer:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa's Answer:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Barbara Walters' Answer:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious
case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

Ralph Nader's Answer:
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat
on other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

Jerry Seinfeld’s Answer:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Pat Buchanan's Answer:
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

Rush Limbaugh's Answer:
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already
forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens
crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build
roads for chickens to cross.

John Lennon's Answer:
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

Aristotle's Answer:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Saddam Hussein's Answer:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Captain Kirk's Answer:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Bill Clinton's Answer:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

Albert Einstein's Answer:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

L.A.P.D.'s Answer:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Richard Nixon's Answer:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

Buddha's Answer:
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

Joseph Stalin's Answer:
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelets.

John Locke's Answer:
Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.

Oliver Stone's Answer:
The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe
the chicken crossing?"

The Pope's Answer:
That is only for God to know.

Immanuel Kant's Answer:
Chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.

Plato's Answer:
For the greater good.

Nietzsche's Answer:
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Emily Dickenson's Answer:
Because it could not stop for death.
O.J. Simpson's Answer:
It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.

Colonel Sanders' Answer:
I missed one?
Posted by J.S. Orozco at 9:31 PM - 2 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Randomly Sincere
 

Some things are universal. Music is music no matter your corner of the world, and laughter will inspire the same degree of joy regardless of your cultural persuasion, but despite our common familiarity with certain concepts, I have found there is at least one thing with which we do not all relate. Pain.

Two nights ago I finally got around to watching Invisible Children. Parts of it were sickening. Though I'd like to tell myself it was all in the content, the truth is that much of the grotesque nature stemmed from the sense of guilt that American society has been oblivious to what happens abroad. Sure, we complain of how poverty, ache and suffering exist within our own borders, but never anything to the degree of war-ravished countries where children have to commute into towns in order to escape the possibility of kidnap. I have been as much of a victim of our media as anyone else. For nearly a year I have been doing what I can to assist in the effort against human trafficking, and somehow I feel as though my motives have thus far been driven by the sensationalized plots we find in novels and movies. I am working on changing my perception of the reality and only hope my contributions are practical enough to "put a dent in the problem," as someone recently put it.

In the way of an update, I did not follow through with Teach for America as previously mentioned. My failure to find myself in this year's summer institute is partly owed to a national debate tournament that fell squarely on the date of my interview and mostly to a desire to want to shift my efforts in a slightly different direction. This fall will find me in DC doing AmeriCorps. Peace Corps would have been preferable, but full citizenship is required at the time of application; my status will not be changing until the end of this year. In some ways, however, I feel this was for a reason.

This summer, I am back in Iowa to work with kids. Maybe, just maybe, I enjoy them a little more than I care to admit.

Strangely enough, the blog is turning into something of a personal journal, something I clearly remember wanting to avoid. Well, perhaps my meandering thoughts are only interesting enough to capture my own interest, something I may actually appreciate later in life in those random moments when there is absolutely nothing else to do but read over past ponderings.
Posted by J.S. Orozco at 10:40 PM - No Comments   Add a Comment  
 
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